I was reading through my old blog and I realized how much I kinda changed since then. I mean, I feel as though, then, my thoughts were all calm and collected. But now, here, I feel like my thoughts are everywhere. Everything feels like it's in a mess.

#$%^&*()(*&^%$#

i wish i could erase my memory. i don't want to know the truth anymore. lie to me. please. bro isn't picking up his phone. ass fell asleep. i'm gonna try texting daren. sigh sigh sigh sigh sighxzsx. i'm gonna stay up through the night. i'm afraid that if i fall asleep, i won't wake up for amath paper. i studied for that shit.

I'm really happy too you know. For her.

Burning in your eyes.

no wonder you were so protective of her that time. fuck it. i really wanna kill myself to have been so blind not to see. i wanna rant. seriously. ugh. agh. ahhh. gahhh. #$%^&*()*&^%$. I don't need anything to fill in this emptiness inside of me. I'm used to being alone already. I'm used to coming home to a empty family. used to being the odd one out. the one walking at the back of a crowd of people. fucking used to it. in fact. i fucking love that feeling. I'm fucking sick of faking a smile. seriously. fuck it. fuck you. fuck this that everything. fuck my life. i wanna pretend i don't know, but how can i pretend? i'm tired of this game. i want to end it. but how. it isn't as simple as when it is said. really. i'm so so so tired. i want to drop out of school. really. i want to retain or something. or go private school. i just want to run away from everything. really. tired of faking. tired of pretending. i hate how people use me all the time. including those church people. what the heck. church?

she did it on purpose. she always does. i shouldn't have told her anything from the start. what is wrong with me. fuck it. i wish wanting was still awake now. so i can call her and scream. she's the only proper person i can talk to about this. i feel my world crumbling. night study was shit. i went there and got chased out by eugene quake cause i was wearing home clothes. then nevermind, went to library study with C, got chased out at 9 cause they were closing. finally settled down at coffee bean to study, but i couldn't concentrate. Amaths? HELL. my eyes are killing from my contacts. sigh. I miss the feeling where I know someone would care. miss that fucking feeling. anyway, i caught the last train & last bus home. almost missed my bus. i hate this. i really do.

and set this house on fire.

Distasteful.

Heartbroken. Two faced. I would choose to have never known you. I should have chose to not talk to you during june hols. Really. Fuck it. I hate this. I'm too blind to everything obvious. I can't stop crying.

Forever and a day.

If one day, you see me with another boy, don't be sad. Remember, you were the one who left me. I never wanted to leave.

Kay hi. I'm back here again. I just finished my lunch and I'm still using itouch to type this FYI. I'm trying to prevent myself from staying in front of the computer screen for too long. Gah. Oh yea. I was reading wanting's blog just now. She blogged about me, omg shy. Hahaha. Andddd, wanting is a bitch, therefore she is a bitch. :) I know you love me. I taught you how to walk home at 8pm. It's not even dark lah. Ahyo. She was afraid to walk home alone! :/

Anyway, I'm going to make sure my Amath results jump from a F9 to a A1. I believe in me. Yay. I can't wait for O levels. I love studying. Enjoy it like omg. OH and when Mr Chan returns me my O levels results, I'm gonna make him realize I'm not just some lazy girl who sleeps in class all the time. I'm gonna make him wonder how the hell can a person do well even though she doesn't listen in class. Kay, I need to start with Amath, then SS and Hist, then Chemistry, and lastly Phys. I hope I can manage.

How the hell did Ted get 8 points for his prelim? Gosh. I'll be satisfied with a 12. Like real. I did damn badly for prelims. Need to plan my time well. Ugh. I did lotsa studying yesterday night with koji at coffee bean. Need to do that again.

Riding solo.

Hey yo. Alright. So I managed to get the mc for yesterday. Polyclinic was closed by the time I reached there. Ugh. So I went to the clinic at the train station. Woah. The doctor was super nice. He understood that I just needed a mc only. He even asked if I want 3 days mc. Woooohoo. Sadly, I said no. :/ aw well. I'm going night study today again. I really cannot study at home with all my family around. Such a nuisance. Ugh. Aw well. Night study clashes with both my tuitions. -.- I guess I'll skip it today then. Today's amath paper was not bad. Consideing The fact that I managed to complete a lot of questions although usually I'll just sleep. Lost 40 marks though. Means I'll confirm fail anyway. :/ Kay, I'm like eating lunch and typing this with my itouch. This is what I call devotion. Lol. WTF. K I'm out. Bye.

Every long lost dream.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

LESS THAN THREE.

I never knew I could hurt like this.

Miss you but I try not to cry.

Fuck man. I skipped school today. Meaning I skipped EL P2 and Maths P2. Great. I have to go see doctor like soon. Hope the polyclinic won't be so crowded. And hope they'll give me MC. I'll say I had headache or something. Fuck lah. I think my O levels cannot make it. I'm gonna retain. Fuck.

I'm damn fucked up now. A Maths paper tml. FUCK IT. -'-

Gotta let go.

I throw my hands up in the air and sometimes. Saying AYYOOOO, gotta let go. Okay, that song's stuck in my head now. Nonstop replay mode. :/ and its that line only. Ugh. I reached home not long ago, just showered and had my lunch. I have to meet Wanting in 1 hour + 2 minutes time. I'm so gonna be late. Tuition ends at 7:30. I've decided that I'll go for night study right after tuition. See my mood! If Wanting can accompany me till later, maybe I'll skip! :) Tuition starts early today. Zzzz. Okay, I gotta rush now. Pack my notes and stuff. I HAVEN'T DONE TUITION HOMEWORK. Oh yeah, SOOOO gonna flunk today's Hist and E Maths P1. I didn't do the Hist at all. Only did 1 source base question. And, I lost 17 marks for Maths cause I didn't bring ruler and protractor. What is wrong with me. DAMN. After typing this paragraph, I have only 1 more hour. BYE.

"This is for my peoples who just lost somebody."

Sigh. At least I know I'll be able to sleep tonight. Oh yea btw, I love and miss this place. Best place to go when you're feeling down. Seriously.

Anyway, I had lunch with Daren at Mos Burger just now. Played itouch and hogged the best seats there for really really long. Everyone who walked past gave as the get-out-of-here face. Aw well. We completed the Impossible Test. Yay. We're super. Oh, halfway through, the guys from class came to Mos as well. But they sat outside in the hot hot sun!

Cadbury, phantom, fuji apple, pink dolphin, less than three.

I come up with the coolest names, don't I?

Dear chindian, remember who's curry? ;);)

Alright, I'm so prepared to flunk tomorrow's papers. I'm not even sure if I can stay for the night study. I have A Maths tuition up till 7:30 pm. Hmmmmmm. See how. I'll ask someone about it later. So irritated. Ugh.

I didn't sleep for the whole night last night. Ugh, ugh, ugh, UGH, UGHHG@U!HJ##&(*@!^#*(!9012)_#@!)_@. Fuck it, I'm so sleepy now. My hand is bleeding. Almost got killed by that taxi cause I didn't look out for traffic. Wtf. And I dropped my NEW water bottle. And it broke. Fuck it. Seriously, FML. Dinner now.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE NOW.
FUCK IT.

Ate my heart.

Omg omg, amanda took this photo and I didn't realize. @$%^ It has been in my phone since forever and I didn't know until now. :/ Can't see my eyes. Ugh. Anyway, I think I have insomnia. I don't force myself to stay awake or what, I just really cannot sleep. Last night, I went to bed at 2 am last night, but I only managed to fall asleep at 4:30 am. Fabbbbb. A lot was revolving around my mind. I was dead tired, but my eyes just won't shut. Every time I shut them, images appear out of no where. Gah. And of cause, I was reminiscing a lot of nonsense. Cadbury. Even though its 2 years ago, I still wonder how would my life be if we didn't leave each other. Well. What the heck right. He's attached already. Probably living a perfect life.

To : You. You're everything I never thought you were.
K whatever, you can die now. I really regret ever knowing you.
Really really. You're such a liar. Two faced as well.

but, its okay, I still love you. sigh.

hope that it will give you hell.

changed theme + added steampad music.

I was tumblr hopping and I found something super awesome.

THIS IS SO COOL. ♥

Whatever, anything, coke zero, pepsi light.

(I dug this picture out from heaven knows how long ago.) When I said "I have a habit of sleeping at 5am" in the previous post, yesterday night was an exception. I slept at 10am this morning. And I just woke up around 4 plus. I didn't eat since yesterday 5pm until today. Thats like 24 hours without food. Does it still count? Will I lose weight? Heh. I don't know. I feel as though this is my minimum weight already, and I can't get any thinner. Terrible horrible vegetable. I'm still so damn sleepy. I'm going town shopping tomorrow. No one's going to stop me. Oh, I realized another thing about myself. I seldom take my own advices, neither do I take other people's advice. My mind has a life of it's own. I can't control it. Same with my heart. Ahhh, whatever. Heart is dead anyway.

Break away.

I have a habit of sleeping at 5am these few days. Anyway, I was reading through her blog and I realized, she reminds me so much about me. Her blog posts are a reflection of everything I want to say, but never really had the guts to. Maybe bcause I once told my love all my deepest emotions/fear, but in the end, he still decided to leave. Remember this, don't ever forget it, people leave. Everybody will eventually leave. Don't rely too much on somebody. We're still young. Love isn't everything in life. Let experiences make you stronger. It doesn't kill you. And what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Oh btw, the "she" that I was referring to is Lia.

Hectic mess.

Everything now is crazy. I trust nobody. Seriously. I just reached home not long ago. Managed to catch the last train and the last bus home.

I think right now, I look like the above picture. Dead tired and worn out. Seriously.

Oh yea, btw, I can read through you like a book you know? All your awkwardness and everything. There's nothing to hide.

Oh, and fuck that guy who has a perv face. I've been thinking about that a lot. Has been bugging me for forever. I think I found out you ulterior motive already. Really, every time I think about it, my mood just gets damn dampened. Go flirt with your girls.

And secondly, fuck that other guy who thinks he's just so handsome. Dude, you did not spend 300 bucks on me. You don't need to tell everyone those lies. Really. Wth.

So many friggin things. Damn it. Mind is gonna explode. Bye.

I wanna give all my secrets away.

♥ : oyj

I wanna tattoo your name under my belly button. Woohoo. ;)

gonna let this blog go dead. so damn lazy to make proper updates.

- tuition was horrible.

I'm not stupid, I know what you're doing girl.

♥ : oyj.

sick and tired of this life.

Knocks you down.

I'm going out now. Bye bye. Starvingggg~~

♥ : oyj.

You know, I realized why I enjoy blog hopping. I read all the emotional things that people go through. And I'm like. Hey, thats what I'm going through. I like knowing that I'm not the only one going through this shit. I'm not the only one who's feeling this way. Not the only one like this. There's a hundred other people who cry themselves to sleep every night. Many other people who hurt inside from loneliness.

Read this.

There was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. At that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, but they were very happy together. One day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them because he wasn't very rich, so she wanted to go her own way... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hard work and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"

One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. It didn't take him long to realize those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. He drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore. He had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

He noticed the couple was walking towards a cemetery, being curious, he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious paper cranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb. Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for Paris at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.

Mood now :

ASSHOLE. CAN YOU JUST FUCKING HELL SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

liar. liar. liar. liar. big mouthed jerk. two faced. shit hole. monkey ass. dick face. fuck tard. just die please. you're everything that i never knew you were. i never knew you. just go to hell. i hate how you go ard tell people everything. i hate the way you are. hate it. hate you. just die.

Remind me again why I'm awake right now?

Damn! I missed remedials cause I overslept. And then I woke up at 10:20 and it was suddenly very very cold, so I couldn't go back to sleep. And then it started raining like crazy. Fabulous eh? I still want to sleep. :( I cannot believe I missed remedials cause I overslept. -.- I set my alarm at 8am. And I didn't hear it ring at all. Buttt, when zac texted me at 6am, I woke up to reply him. -.- I am sooooo weird.

I have to go to batok to get my itouch back from that Japanese guy. Fuck the other guy who told everyone about everything. Seriously. He made me very very very very... I don't know? Angry/sad/betrayed. :/

Dear heart, fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.

Thats my cousin. Pretty old ehh? My dad took all these shots. I think my dad is just so cool. And I really how tall this apartment is! Jealous! :( my other cousin is staying at this really tall apartment. He just shifted in with his family. Coolio. Kay, I need to sleep. I still have remedial tomorrow! Getting back my itouch tomorrow. Finally right?

I would be everything you need.

I decided to move + shift all my old posts to (here). Kill me for that eh. <: Anyway, I was at tuition earlier. I finally got to see Wanting's bitchy face. Love. There's a new tutor today! I don't really like her cause she's kinda boringgggg. There's tuition homework. *dies a lil inside- :(

old blog :

► less than three.

► less than three.

► less than three.

► less than three.

Anyone who'd catch me when I fall?

I'd love you forever you know? ;);)