Burning in your eyes.

no wonder you were so protective of her that time. fuck it. i really wanna kill myself to have been so blind not to see. i wanna rant. seriously. ugh. agh. ahhh. gahhh. #$%^&*()*&^%$. I don't need anything to fill in this emptiness inside of me. I'm used to being alone already. I'm used to coming home to a empty family. used to being the odd one out. the one walking at the back of a crowd of people. fucking used to it. in fact. i fucking love that feeling. I'm fucking sick of faking a smile. seriously. fuck it. fuck you. fuck this that everything. fuck my life. i wanna pretend i don't know, but how can i pretend? i'm tired of this game. i want to end it. but how. it isn't as simple as when it is said. really. i'm so so so tired. i want to drop out of school. really. i want to retain or something. or go private school. i just want to run away from everything. really. tired of faking. tired of pretending. i hate how people use me all the time. including those church people. what the heck. church?

she did it on purpose. she always does. i shouldn't have told her anything from the start. what is wrong with me. fuck it. i wish wanting was still awake now. so i can call her and scream. she's the only proper person i can talk to about this. i feel my world crumbling. night study was shit. i went there and got chased out by eugene quake cause i was wearing home clothes. then nevermind, went to library study with C, got chased out at 9 cause they were closing. finally settled down at coffee bean to study, but i couldn't concentrate. Amaths? HELL. my eyes are killing from my contacts. sigh. I miss the feeling where I know someone would care. miss that fucking feeling. anyway, i caught the last train & last bus home. almost missed my bus. i hate this. i really do.

and set this house on fire.